Monday, November 21, 2011

Thanks for Nothing...

Dear Japanese doctors,

     When I go to the clinic specifically for a flu shot, you make me pee in a cup, get naked, check my insides and outsides and my eye sight, but don't give me a flu shot because I seem healthy enough. Congratulations. You were wrong. The following day I got sick. I can't say for sure that if you had given me the flu shot like you were supposed to, that this wouldn't have happened, but I like to think it wouldn't have. Instead of walking around with a swollen arm where the flu shot would have been (like one of my students..like I think he should get that checked out again...), I struggled through about 30 classes this week with a tranny voice and a cough that puts a heavy smoker to shame.
     I visited some of your colleagues at another local clinic where I waited two hours for someone to tell me I have phlegm in chest. Thank you. I would have never figured with the monochromatic colors of green I cough up every morning. Then you write me a prescription for enough pills to classify each meal as a suicide attempt.  Thank you for making the two trips to the doctor's office plus the excessive amount of pills affordable, but seriously. 14+ pills in one day is ridiculous. A day off would have been nice, but apparently asking for a day off is like asking for a flu shot here. They only give you one if you absolutely need it.
      I hope we never have to meet again. I don't like you.

Sincerely,
the pill-popping tranny
ridiculous.

Until next time! またね!
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New Vocabulary:
~病気  bee-yo-oo-ki    sick
~薬    koo-soo-ri    medicine
~あなたが嫌い    ah-nah-tah-gah-ki-rah-ee  I do not like you

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Doctor's Office

Since I have been here for almost four months, it's time to go to the doctor for a check up and a flu shot. I met two of my Japanese coworkers and we all went together. Apparently, the check up process won't begin until you pee in a cup...a paper cup. After that, the other girl and I went through the rest of the check up process together. They took our blood pressure and then escorted us to the x-ray room, where I had to disrobe and put on a robe since my shirt had metal buttons and it would blow up the machine or something. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how close the robe and I'm pretty sure I flashed someone. You're welcome.
They checked our eyesight, our weight, and our x-rays and that was it. I didn't even get my flu shot. I tried to explain that flu shots in America are given as a preventative, but no one understood. I guess I'm healthy enough to not need one? If I get the flu, I'm going to be very angry. Until next time! またね!
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New vocabulary:
~医者  ee-sha    Doctor
~カップおしっこをしてください   kah-poo ni oh-she-ko oh she-teh koo-dah-sigh    pee in a cup
~健康   ken-ko-oo  healthy

I Still Don't Get it...

It's been about two months since I last posted about the subtle differences between Japan and America. I'm clearly using sarcasm to cope with my homesickness. Here are 20 more things I still don't understand about this country...


  1. ATMs are not 24 hours. ATM machines charge you (from your own bank) when you take out money after the bank is closed. 
  2. Walking, driving, and standing on the escalator on the left. The driving part I knew before hand, but it didn't occur to me that everything would be backwards. I can't tell you how many times I've almost gotten run over or hit by a bike. 
  3. No one says anything when you sneeze. 
  4. They offer you dry ice for carrying your frozen goods home. 
  5. They have so many traffic controllers at the shopping center. I swear there's like two for every entrance and there's at least four entrances. As my co-NET put it, "They don't even have that many people directing planes on the runway." Word son. 
  6. Plaid is called checked.
  7. People dig panty-lines and camel-toes
  8. They dislike the number 4 (the number 4 sounds like the word for death)
  9. Men wear headbands 
  10. Men also have nicer purses than I do
  11. They brush their teeth after meals in public bathrooms
  12. Envelopes are not adhesive. 
  13. Liquid sugar 
  14. No refills on self serve fountain drinks
  15. Bruce Willis on a Daihatsu commercial and he speaks Japanese
  16. Colored, decorated manhole covers (picture to follow)
  17. Refills for soap and such in bags
  18. Toilets. It's like a urinal, but on the floor. Not the place to sit and read anymore.
  19. No trash cans...anywhere. I often carry more trash than money in my purse.
  20. Never any napkins at restaurants. They give you a damp cloth when you sit down to wash your hands before the meal, but nothing else. 
That is a pretty manhole.


Until next time! またね!

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New vocabulary:
~左  he-dah-ri   left
~歯 hah   teeth
~封筒   foo-toe   envelope


Thursday, November 10, 2011

私の親友が日本に来た!--My Best Friend Came to Japan!

It's been a couple weeks now, but Minna came to visit me in Japan and it was GREAT! She spent her first week in Tokyo working, but spent her Saturday exploring while I was at work. I don't know how she did it, but she managed to go to every Tokyo tourist hot-spot in one day and still find her way to Shizuoka before 9pm. Go Minna. I don't think I could have done that and I speak some Japanese.

Since it was the weekend before Halloween, we met some of my new-found friends down at a club. I was dressed as Minnie Mouse and Minna was...dressed. Many men were dressed as women, but coming from San Francisco, the shock value of those costumes to us is low. The drinks were weak, but it was all you could drink AND you don't tip! The music was mostly American pop from 5 or so years ago and all the foreigners there covered the dance floor until they turned on techno and the dance floor cleared out.

The next afternoon, we left the house in hopes to find this sushi place I heard of in my city--it's the same one I went to in Fuji with the bullet train that brings you your special order...super cute! Thanks to Google maps, we found it. I've noticed that there are no street names to be found and so following directions is now based on following building shapes. That's fun. We made it and enjoyed our meal of delicious sushi. We walked around downtown Shizuoka and ended up at some Izakaya place for some beer and strange food. We had some form of fish and chips and I don't even remember what else. We ended the night at a small bar called Red Wine and Whiskey with the owner and a man, who openly admitted he's a drunkard. We talked about San Francisco and drank some average tasting wine. Great times.

I wanted to take Minna to a really neat place I found online called Panorama Park, maybe get a glimpse of Mt. Fuji since I had yet to do that (I recently spotted it from a train). It was going to take almost 2 hours to get there on like 4 different modes of transportation, but I really wanted to go. It wasn't until the last train station that someone finally told us that the park is closed. We were stuck in Izu which is the little peninsula just east of Shizuoka across the Suruga Bay. I'm sure these places mean nothing to you. The nice guy at the ticket counter gave us some information about sightseeing in Izu so we set off on our own little adventure. It wasn't what I had in mind for the day, but we came across some cool things; temples, bridges, and bamboo.

We also found a cute little sushi restaurant near my house. For 1600¥ we got I don't even know how many pieces of high-quality fish and a new friend. His name is Anma (Ah-n-mah). He was trying so ridiculously hard to speak English and I was trying just as hard to speak Japanese. There was some miscommunication about Minna's occupation. He couldn't figure out what Google was when said in English, but when pronounced in a Japanese accent (Goo-goo-ru), he was so impressed and told everyone in the restaurant. We also met someone else who owned an apple orchard and they even gave us some delicious apples. That was nice. Anma and I made a promise that I will go there to eat sushi by myself and I will teach him English and he will teach me Japanese. I should go back soon.

I am sooo happy that Minna was able to come visit. She's moving to New York in January, which means she won't be in California when I return in July. It breaks my heart and I'm not going to lie, I did cry a little when she left, but I'm happy for her. Now I have an excuse to go to New York again! Thanks for coming to Japan, Minna!! I hope you had a great time!! Now, I have my parents' trip to look forward to!
Until next time! またね!



































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New Vocabulary:
~私の親友が日本に来た  wah-tah-she no she-n-you gah ni-hon ni ki-tah.   My best friend came to Japan
~居酒屋   ee-zah-kai-yah   tavern
~酔っぱらい   yo-pah-rah-ee    drunkard
~リンゴ  rin-go   apple

Thursday, November 3, 2011

It's November!

Happy I-have-no-idea-what-holiday-it-is-because-this-is-not-America Day! Whatever the holiday is, I am happy it's here because that means I have a day off. It is now a quarter to 1pm and I have done nothing but eat an assortment of food from my fridge and watch what I can only assume are infomercials for space saving closets (as if they aren't already small enough). I should be doing the work I brought home to prepare for training this coming weekend, but even in a country that is 16 hours ahead, I am still days behind. I think I am addicted to procrastination.
Well, I have spent the last 5 hours talking to family and friends on Skype (p.s. I love you Skype) and still haven't gotten any work done.  Why couldn't I be a procrastinator for a living? I'm really good at it!
I'm sure you're all wondering what happened to the little girl who sliced her face on a drum. You're not? Too bad, I'm going to tell you anyway. After my wonderful weekend away at Disneyland, I return to work to find out that the little girl got stitches and that it would be more appropriate in this situation to go to her house and see how she's doing. Ok. So the next morning, my manager and I went to her grandma's house or work or something. I'm not 100% sure where I was, but I did know that it was 8am and I wasn't too happy. The little girl was happy and pointed at her ANPANMAN bandaid (he's a strange red-bean-filled-pancake-headed super hero or something...see picture below). She was smiling and didn't seem to hate me, so I thought all was good. I tried to listen to the conversation between the grandma and my manager, but all I could make out was that grandma was in Hawaii when it happened, and when she found out, she cried. I was glad I went because it helped to see that the little girl was happy. I wasn't glad that I was told I had to go back on Saturday before work when the father would be home. We went back on Saturday, this time to their house (their nice ass house). The father was scary and serious, but he's got great hair. I tried to listen and understand the conversation, but they spoke so fast, I decided now would be a good time to zone out and sleep with my eyes open. When they finished, my manager looks at me and says, "Say something in English,". I gave her a confused look and she said, "Say what I said in English." You thought I understood what just happened here? Wait, you thought I was awake? I was told not to say sorry, so instead, I bowed my head and said, "Thank you for your time." I could have said, "Don't be such a dick. Smile once in a while." But I didn't think about that until after I left. Apparently, he asked some very challenging questions to "test" my manager about what the company is doing to prevent an incident like this again. He also asked who would win if they took this to court. Seriously? My manager also informed me that he is very worried about the scar is going to look like and how that will affect her life later. I wish I knew how to say, "she'll look like a bad-ass" in Japanese.
This is Anpanman. I'm pretty sure he and his friends (other various kinds of breads) are cannibals.
 For Mary's birthday we went to Disneyland! There are two parks: Disneyland..and Disney Sea. Disneyland is very similar to the one in California, but it's in TOKYO! Disney Sea is very different, but very pretty. I don't want to bore you with all the details, so I'm going to give you highlights:
  • They teach you hand movements that you can do during the parades and everyone does them. 
  • Most white tourists are from Alaska.
  • Kids at Disneyland in Japan are just as gross as kids at Disneyland in America--i.e. putting boogers on the ropes in line so that poor girls like Valerie innocently run their hand along it and end up with Shrek glued to her hand (please don't tell me Shrek does not belong at Disneyland. I know, he's from Dreamworks).
  • If it says cheesecake on the menu, it's not.
  • I cried on the Tower of Terror. 
  • I can't tell if people always dress up for Disneyland or if it was just for Halloween, but they dress up in groups. 
  • Our hotel was super nice, with a view of the ocean, and it was magical.  

To see videos of our hotel and trip to Disneyland, check out Mary's video blog at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOiQ-lj10rk&feature=related
































That was Disneyland. It was great. It was wonderful to sleep in a bed and be somewhere new. Minna also came into town the following weekend after working in Tokyo for a week, but that deserves a post all of its own. It's also now after 8pm. Stay tuned...Until next time! またね!
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New Vocabulary:
~鼻くそ  hah-nah-ku-so    boogers
~グズ goo-zoo    procrastinator