When I Return....

With a little more than two months left in Japan, I have already begun to plan my homecoming.Who am I kidding? I can't even lie in a blog post. I've been planning for awhile...I told my mom months ago that when I fly back to Los Angeles, I want to do four things before I get home. 1) eat In n Out 2) mani/pedi + eyebrow (now possibly lip as well..so unfortunate)  3) Trader Joes and 4) Walk into Target, just to smell it. These four things are necessary. And they're all on the way home from the airport. In addition to these four things I've made yet another list of things I want to do before I get my life back together..

(In no real particular order...)

I can't wait to...

1. Spend an entire day cooking/baking

2. visit all my friends and family

3. that includes trips to New York and Washington and San Francisco

4. spend a weekend in Palm Springs (where it's hot, but not moist)

5. turn my blog posts into a book for myself

6. learn how to drive again and go on a road trip

7. exchange my Japanese yen for REAL money and swim in it for a moment before I put it in the bank. Wait, I can't swim. Let's make it rain.
8. get a massage.
9. Go back to Target, this time to buy American brand necessities
10. get my teeth fixed
11. find a job (which I will start looking for soon!)
12. find a place to live
13. go back to Target and furnish my new place
14. find a hubby. or at least go on some dates.
15. get a hair cut
16. go to brunch. (Boy, do I miss brunch.)
17. buy new clothes that fit
18. Go out dancing
19. Eat Mexican food
20. begin making a scrapbook of my trip to Japan that I will probably never finish

11 more busy weeks of work and then off to Osaka to travel with the Culver City Sister City Exchange group for a week. I just had three wonderful visitors for about 12 days. I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend my last vacation time in Japan (that will be another post..I have a lot to catch up on..). Well, until next time! またね！
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New Vocabulary:
~あと二ヶ月     ah-toe-knee-kah-get-sue      After (only) two months
~雨が降るように    ah-meh-gah-foo-roo-yo-knee        Make it rain

A Dick Festival for Douche Bags.

Happy April everyone! Sorry for the delay..work has been crazy lately. I've been staying past 11pm writing progress records and planning for seminars and supplemental lessons, which don't mean much to those of you reading this, but to me and my colleagues it means a lot of useless work. Instead of giving the teachers a break between semesters to review their new schedule and new books and plan well thought out lessons, the company finds it necessary to pack our schedules with supplemental lessons that use a ridiculously stupid book. The parents buy into this scheme because their child is going to English school and talking to (or in most cases, staring at) a native English speaker. It all sounds great, but I'm not falling for it. The company uses it as an excuse to gain more revenue. Fine, whatever helps you sleep at night. At least one of us got some sleep.

Instead of spending my weekend catching up on sleep and planning lessons, I went to a Dick Festival. It's technically a fertility festival or an awareness against STDs, but that's not as jarring. Did I mention that this was at a shrine? This country confuses me. I went with my coworker, Shawna, and met my friends Heather and Mary at Kanamara Shrine in Kawasaki (川崎), near Yokohama. The whole surrounding area was infested with young men from the nearby Army base. In theory, that sounds amazing, considering I work with all girls and one Japanese-Canadian guy, who is really more like a butchy girl that dresses very metro (genders are complicated here..), but it was like being at a frat party or a bar where they let all the underage kids come and drink. My daily testosterone intake is being compromised in this country, but the abundance of it at this event made up for all that was lacking. While I wanted to be excited to be surrounded by raging, drunk, American men, my body's response was "let's fit in and make your mustache a little more visible".   Between the giant penis statues and the sea of white people, we had all forgotten we were in Japan. We also had forgotten that everyone around us could understand what we were saying. I'm going to need help censoring myself when I get back to America. And a lip wax.
After we ditched the dicks and douche bags, we walked down some side streets and stumbled upon a temple with monks chanting. It was all very peaceful until some idiot came over near me to feed the birds.
We headed in towards Heather's house to meet another teacher at a Mexican restaurant. I had my doubts, but it was good! Again, my standards for good food are significantly lower, but I enjoyed myself very much.
We headed back on the bullet train to Shizuoka. I love the bullet train. It took us 45 minutes to get home rather than the 3 hours it took to get there via local train. I'm definitely going to miss the trains...

Yes. That is a penis statue. Yes, they parade this around. Wait, there's a bigger one. 

I'm not sure...Shit's weird here..

Heather going through the many mini shrine gates

I think this is where they pray for a bigger one...just a hunch. 

Maybe it's this one...

Thank you fellow American. Way to rep the USA.

Let's drink and try to fit in! 

clever.

Love his hair. Love this sign. 

I don't know which is worse. The child in the picture or he awkward masked man with a silver penis and pigtails. I really hate adult pigtails. 

I was really hoping they would start busting out, Sister Act style. 

Anyway, I will try to catch up with my life more frequently. I am excited for my upcoming week off in which Aly, Megan, and Kelly are coming to visit..and the best news: Aly isn't actually allergic to shellfish. Which means we can be less careful of cross-contamination! I am thrilled. Until next time! またね！
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New Vocabulary:
~ちんちん    cheen-cheen  dick
~祭り   mah-tsu-ree   festival
~口ひげ   koo-chee-hee-geh   mustache 

At a Loss in Translation...

First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!! I so wish I could be there to celebrate with you. Actually, I wish you were here instead. It would save me a 12 hour plane ride and a lot of money. I'd rather spend that money on a nice sushi dinner for you. That's love.
*Sorry. I wrote this post yesterday, but I didn't finish, so let's pretend.*

Anyway, I had a fantastic weekend! It's been getting a little bit warmer (although my hands are practically frozen right now and I've been told recently that I might have a mild case of frostbite--that's another story) and it wasn't raining, so that automatically made it good. Saturday night, I booked it after work to Numazu to join Mary and Valerie at the Silver Lump. LOVE THAT PLACE. It's a small neighborhood bar, owned by this little man named Masaki (正樹), or better known to us as, Mr. Liar. He lied about being able to speak English and has since been dubbed, Mr. Liar. Granted his English isn't great, but he knows enough to talk to us and translate to the other patrons. He also knows how to properly use the f-word. This bar is great for so many reasons: 
1) it's right by Mary and Valerie's apartment 
2) we never leave before 6am 
3) you can drink for 9 hours and it won't cost more than $40
4) Mr. Bean and friends (other patrons that frequent the bar)
5) We play games!
6) We are treated like celebrities. Not gonna lie, I kinda feel like a pimp when I walk in. They know us by name and the bar tender insists that other people talk to us. At least just say "hi" and "bye". 
7) We teach them useful English, but also get plenty of opportunities to practice Japanese and learn some very obscure words like "reckless driver" and "sex drive".
You're probably wondering how that last one came up....This is where it gets good...


So, in addition to Mr. Bean and the bartender/owner of the bar, there is always at least one new person we meet. In the past we've met, Mr. New York, Mr. Seaweed, Mr. Blue, just to name a few. These men are named based on their Japanese name that we will never remember or by what they were wearing the night we met them. This past weekend we met one man, but we haven't decided on the appropriate Mr. nickname to give him. I voted for Mr. 70's because his hair style is as old as he is (he's 39). He says he goes by "Matt" with his American friends. Hold up. That 70's Japanese man just used air quotes. He does have American friends. Our explanation of "air quotes" was reinforced by a reference to Austin Powers, via Mr. Bean, which then led the bartender to question "what is mojo?" Oh dear. I do hope the Japanese have the same traditions that all moral values and inhibitions are left at the door of the bar. Here goes nothing. I looked up the Japanese word for "sex drive". For the next hour or so, we watched as the bartender mimed a female figure and politely asked her, "I am mojo. You try me?" That is, until he asked me, out of the three men there which one I would choose. I thought about it as the three of them sat there with their heads bowed low into their clasped hands, whispering something I can only assume translates to "pick me..pick me". I'm not that desperate, but it's nice to know I have choices. I chose Mary. 
How do you stop three Japanese men from consistently asking you to sleep with them? Give them something else to compete for...for example, English tongue twisters. Make sure they include lots of "th" and "z" sounds for your own benefit. It's hilarious. Then go home (at 7am). 

After our four hour nap, we got ready to venture out to Kawazu (河津) on the Izu Peninsula (across the Suruga Bay from Shizuoka) to see some early blooming cherry blossoms. Even though we had missed the big festival by one day, the streets were still lined with street vendors on one side and the gorgeous pink flowered trees along the river. I can't explain how beautiful it was. See for yourself! 

Valerie

Mary 

me

It's just so pretty! 

It was cold, but we had to try the cherry blossom soft cream!

On Monday I met my coworkers so we could all go strawberry picking! Shizuoka is well-known for it's strawberries. Strawberry picking is an all-you-can-eat affair for a half hour, which doesn't seem that long, but when you're just eating strawberries, it's forever. 

My stomach was definitely smaller than my eyes, but I was still hungry when we left. We stopped for lunch at some ghetto looking ramen shop and then continued on our way to Kuno-san Tosho-gu shrine. I had taken the ropeway there with my parents before, but that was when I was at the top of Mt. Kuno. I was now at the bottom and the only way up from there is the 1100 stone steps. I warned my coworkers that 1) I don't climb and 2) If I do this, I might have to unbutton my pants at some point on the climb, so don't be alarmed. It wasn't so bad. We had a nice view of the ocean. Once you walk up the 1100 steps, there's a sign that tells you there are still 59 more to get to the shrine. If this place hadn't been named a World Heritage Site, I would have quit long ago. Finally we reached the shrine and it was really beautiful. We kept going up above the shrine and I was expecting some epic view. All there was was construction and a tree that takes your money. We took the ropeway from the mountain to catch the bus back to Shizuoka station. 

It was really a great weekend!! I am really excited for next weekend's trip to Kobe!! Only 6 1/2 weeks until Aly, Megan, and Kelly come to visit!! 20 more weeks until I leave Japan. Well, until next time! またね！
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New Vocabulary:
~嘘つき  oo-so-tsu-key   Liar
~無謀運転者 moo-bou-oon-ten-sha        reckless driver
~性欲 say-yo-koo       sex drive
~早口言葉 hah-yah-goo-chee-ko-toe-bah   tongue twister
~花見  hah-nah-me   flower viewing
~いちご狩り  itchy-go-gah-ree   strawberry picking
~山を登る yah-mah-oh-no-bo-roo  climb a mountain